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welcome !
Welcome to cyn-ish, the place where I talk about even the littlest things that happen to my life.
Hover over the ♠'s on the side to move around. Leave me a message on my tagboard, okay?
Thanks for dropping by!
Forever and ever...
02:44 @ Saturday 17 August 2013
I think this is the best part of Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing that I want to quote.
A lot of things happened this day. This entire week, actually. Things that are both good and bad, positive and negative. And I think all of the most significant parts of them are related to these three words.
First of all, with one of my best friends, let me call her Alice. Some time Thursday, I received a message from someone, and this message pretty much gave me the idea that she was betraying me. This has happened to me lots of times in my life - a friends' betrayal -, but it hurts so bad when it's that friend you've had since the first moment you had in high school. I've lost lots of friends in high school, and Alice was one of those who loved me enough to stay. That made me feel like I trusted her even more than I already did, if that was even possible. She's been my friend, forever and ever, and it's sad to know that that's how it all would end.
Up until now, I'm pretty much sure she didn't do anything. Still, I can't understand things. I hurt her too when I walked out on her earlier today, but I think it's just that every relationship, may it be a romantic one or a friendship, reaches that point when people just really need their space.
Another thing in relation to the previous one is how I've come to realize who my true friends are. They aren't necessarily the people who have stayed with you the longest. They aren't those that you're with for majority of the day. They don't even have to be around you! One other best friend of mine, Bea, is someone I haven't even met in person. I got to know her around 6th grade over a forum in the internet. After that, we got acquainted through texts. And now? We're pretty much close as sisters even though we're so far apart. It's hard to explain, but I'm pretty sure you have those kinds of friendships too; those times when you just really know that s/he is a friend of yours - a true one - that will last forever and ever.
The last two things are two interrelated things - and they're also related to the ones above - considering love. ♥
One of those is how I've realized I've fallen in too deep with someone who I'm not sure felt the same for me. I mean, sure he's given me signs that I'm special to him. But does that really mean anything? Our mantra was pretty much the song - and its title - I Won't Give Up. We're friends, yes, but even at that point it's pretty much a hard road. However, neither of us gave in to those struggles. On the other hand, it doesn't really seem right anymore now, does it? I thought I could do it. I thought we could do it; I thought we could just stay that way forever and ever.
And the last thing that has come to my view for this week is that ever since I've realized the things I said in the previous paragraph, my heart has opened more to other people around me. Of course, that included other guys, one of them by the person of my bespren who I'd like to mask under the name Darren. I've known him for over a year now, but it's only been pretty recent since we've stuck to our calling each other bespren (best friend).
More recently, we've been practicing for our intermission number for our organization's acquaintance party, which was yesterday afternoon. In the duration of those practices, I think my heart has fallen in closer to him. There are a lot of sides to him that I only saw within those practices, and those are the things I've come to realize are things I really love seeing in people.
Now, I'm not saying I'm in love with him. No, I admit that I'm still madly in love with the guy in the first love paragraph. But with Darren? I feel like the "I Won't Give Up" mantra/act just has to end. Maybe there's a chance I start anew with someone else? Even though that someone else isn't in love with me either. He said too that he isn't prepared for serious commitment. And to be honest, that's fine with me. I'm not expecting anything, and I'm not ready yet either. But something about Darren just makes me want to wait. Wait for real this time. Even if it takes FOREVER AND EVER.
Up until now, I'm pretty much sure she didn't do anything. Still, I can't understand things. I hurt her too when I walked out on her earlier today, but I think it's just that every relationship, may it be a romantic one or a friendship, reaches that point when people just really need their space.
One of those is how I've realized I've fallen in too deep with someone who I'm not sure felt the same for me. I mean, sure he's given me signs that I'm special to him. But does that really mean anything? Our mantra was pretty much the song - and its title - I Won't Give Up. We're friends, yes, but even at that point it's pretty much a hard road. However, neither of us gave in to those struggles. On the other hand, it doesn't really seem right anymore now, does it? I thought I could do it. I thought we could do it; I thought we could just stay that way forever and ever.
More recently, we've been practicing for our intermission number for our organization's acquaintance party, which was yesterday afternoon. In the duration of those practices, I think my heart has fallen in closer to him. There are a lot of sides to him that I only saw within those practices, and those are the things I've come to realize are things I really love seeing in people.
Now, I'm not saying I'm in love with him. No, I admit that I'm still madly in love with the guy in the first love paragraph. But with Darren? I feel like the "I Won't Give Up" mantra/act just has to end. Maybe there's a chance I start anew with someone else? Even though that someone else isn't in love with me either. He said too that he isn't prepared for serious commitment. And to be honest, that's fine with me. I'm not expecting anything, and I'm not ready yet either. But something about Darren just makes me want to wait. Wait for real this time. Even if it takes FOREVER AND EVER.
